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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318862">Everything I Know About N</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostscribe/pseuds/ghostscribe'>ghostscribe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Black &amp; White | Pokemon Black and White Versions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Diary/Journal, Light Angst, M/M, Missing Scene, Retelling, or scenes as the case may be, will add tags if i figure out how to tag and/or if chapters get heavier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:36:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318862</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostscribe/pseuds/ghostscribe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Touya shares his thoughts on someone in particular to no one in particular.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>N | Natural Harmonia Gropius/Touya | Hilbert, definitely a slowburn though so don't expect ship content anytime soon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Review</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <em>I dunno, it's always just been easier for me to understand things when I write them down. I still don't understand N, though.</em>
</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">I'm just going to write down everything I know about N, and then maybe this will make sense.</p><p class="p1">Yes, I know this is another new journal. Yes, I know I could just be writing this in my usual adventure log. But... something just seems different about all this, and I just need to have a separate place to figure this all out, so you have to deal with a whole series of documents about this, I guess.</p><p class="p1">I say <em>you</em> in reference to, preferably, <em>you,</em> future Touya. Touko, if you're reading this, I <em>know</em> I didn't give you permission to be reading, so if you'd kindly put this back where you found it, that'd be sweet. Thanks, sis.</p><p class="p1">...now, where do I even start with this?</p><p class="p1">I guess I'll just run through our interactions so far. I know <em>you,</em> current Touya, know all this, but maybe future Touya won't remember it all so clearly, and besides, I need to write to process my experiences. Usually I'd prefer to actually talk to someone; yeah, kinda weird for someone who's got social anxiety, I know, but bear with me.</p><p class="p1">I found him first in Accumula Town - or he found Cheren and I, I guess. There's that man called Ghetsis, you know the one, the old guy with the long, matted green hair, weird cult-looking cloak, the whole nine yards. He's the head of Team Plasma, or something. It's funny, they kinda brand themselves as Pokémon activists, I guess. Any other organization that's called themselves "Team whatever" has always been bad news, though, so if they do mean well, this is the worst way they could've gone about getting their name out there. Not to mention they look like something out of a medieval storybook. Why do they dress like knights? It's kinda dumb, not gonna lie.</p><p class="p1">Back on topic, though: N.</p><p class="p1">He approached us after the Plasma folks left, while everyone was kinda chattering amongst each other, just trying to get a handle on what the hell we just listened to. I know Cheren was skeptical of them to begin with, so that made me feel a little less bad about being so paranoid about them, because if <em>Cheren</em> thinks someone's bad news, then they're bad news.</p><p class="p1">I mean - that's usually the case, anyway. He doesn't like N much, either, but N is a weird case.</p><p class="p1">First of all: he says he can hear the voices of Pokémon. So there's that.</p><p class="p1">He said he could hear my Pokémon talking, then went on about how it's sad that we can't hear them, and <em>then </em>introduced himself. He talks really fast, too, like, almost too fast to actually understand. Cheren told him to slow down, but honestly, I feel like I'm not struggling to keep up. I talk pretty fast too. I kinda muttered that to him as consolation (I... don't really know why I did that, looking back), and he nodded, but that was the extent of our actual conversing.</p><p class="p1">But, um... yeah. We battled. I won. He said he wanted to hear my Pokémon's voice more, so uh, that was. Odd. I say that as if everything else was normal, hah. Everything about this is weird.</p><p class="p1">"I never expected to hear a Pokémon say such things."</p><p class="p1">He says that, and I was kinda like, <em>what things,</em> but I didn't really wanna ask, so I just let him have that, then he left - oh, but first he said Pokémon wouldn't be perfect if we keep them in pokéballs.</p><p class="p1">So... I guess he's on Team Plasma's side, then? That's not super unusual, at the moment.</p><p class="p1">It's funny. I feel like, even though this Ghetsis guy is a creep, I guess some people are being swayed by him and Team Plasma. People aren't jumping to join them, necessarily, but we've got a lot of devil's advocates around lately. I understand <em>some</em> of the assertions that Pokémon battles can be risky, but... look, Pokémon battle in the wild, too, they know their limits. It's up to us as trainers to understand those limits, and I feel like we do. You wouldn't be able to progress as a trainer if you didn't, right? I guess not everyone's perfect in that right, but... yeah. I'm rambling.</p><p class="p1">It's just weird. It's almost hard to fault their logic. I just don't think "Pokémon liberation" is really the best and only solution.</p><p class="p1">You know what's weird about what N said, though? I remember this quote verbatim, because it was just... I dunno. It really stuck out to me.</p><p class="p1">"I have to change the world for Pokémon, because they're my friends."</p><p class="p1">I even have that scribbled in the margin of my regular adventure log. It just resonates with me. It's such an extreme reaction caused by something that seems really small, like he's snowballing out of proportion, or something.</p><p class="p1">I dunno.</p><p class="p1">I guess I'm carrying on too much, so I'll summarize a few things kinda quickly here, then get to what made me want to write this to begin with. The next interactions we had are as follows:</p><p class="p1">— I saw him on my way to Nacrene City. It was late at night and he was feeding some Woobat. I think he was chirping at them?</p><p class="p1">— I caught up to him in Nacrene. I wasn't going to approach him at first, but he was talking out loud, so I... guess I figured I'd talk to him? He said he wanted to see the truth about domesticated Pokémon, the ideal trainers, a perfect future for Pokémon. He asked if I feel the same.</p><p class="p1">— I said yes. I... don't know why. I don't think I agree with what he said in the way he thinks I do. I think I misinterpreted what he asked, maybe, I dunno. Maybe I just wanted to avoid an argument.</p><p class="p1">— We battled. I won. It was fine.</p><p class="p1">And then he pulls this shit on me: he says he needs the power of <em>Reshiram</em> to save all Pokémon.</p><p class="p1">So... like. What the hell?</p><p class="p1">I know I rushed through all that, but literally, what the hell else am I supposed to say about that? He went from 0 to 100 really fast, except it's more like going from 100 already to like, 1000.</p><p class="p1">I don't know. I really don't know what to think. I get knots in my stomach whenever I think about what he said. You have to understand like - in summary, this is what's happened to me in the time it's taken me to get two gym badges: I meet a weird guy named N, he tells me he wants to make Pokémon perfect by freeing them from trainers, and he says he'll do that by harnessing the power of a legendary dragon.</p><p class="p1">Yeah.</p><p class="p1">Confused yet? So am I. I don't know what to do. Cheren swears he's just high off Team Plasma's preaching, but... I dunno. Something just feels really <em>wrong</em>. Something feels wrong and I don't know what to do about it.</p><p class="p1">Side note: you know what the worst part about Team Plasma is right now? Alder's not really doing anything about it. Alder's our champion, I feel like he should be more concerned that there's basically an anti-trainer organization running around and stealing Pokémon in the name of "liberation," but he's just like... I don't even know where he is right now. He can't possibly be that busy. From everything I've heard about him, he's just kinda an introspective nomad type of guy. Really not the type of person to be a champion, but hell, neither am I, so I've got no room to criticize him. I bet Cheren'll sweet the floor with him, though. Cher's probably gonna be the one to get to the league, if any of us do. I'd place my next bet on Touko, but she dropped the league challenge after failing to beat Drayden a few times in a row. I hear Iris took over the gym though. Apparently Drayden's working on restoring some artifacts associated with the Tao Trio.</p><p class="p1">I kinda hope he never meets N. I bet <em>that</em> would be a train wreck.</p><p class="p1">So... yeah. That's that. I dunno how much of that was coherent, but it's getting late, and I'd really like to sleep soon.</p><p class="p1">I dunno. What am I supposed to do? Cheren swears I shouldn't worry about N, and Bianca said I should focus on making my journey my own and not worry so much about him. I've already had to deal with Team Plasma a few times, though, so... fuck, I dunno. What's one more weirdo to deal with?</p><p class="p1">I mean - but to that end, N is harder to deal with, because it's not just "give us your Pokémon, oops we lost, time to run away, this is plas-bad!" You know what makes N harder to deal with?</p><p class="p1">I don't fucking know what to <em>do</em> with him.</p><p class="p1">He obviously doesn't like battling, but he battles me anyway. He says he wants to liberate Pokémon, but for some vague reason about Pokémon being imperfect. He has these wild grandiose plans that seem - to me, at least - to come totally out of left field, and isn't controlling a legendary counterproductive to liberating Pokémon anyway? Isn't that the <em>last</em> thing you'd wanna do?</p><p class="p1">Oh, and he can apparently understand Pokémon. So he's got that going for him. All I can imagine is him going out to find Reshiram in a nice business suit and having a proper sit-down interview with it, going over his resume, and Reshiram being like, "you're hired for the job of hero, you start on Monday, glad to have you on board."</p><p class="p1">...also, he said "you and I will be friends" before he left Nacrene City, and I'm still not sure if he meant that in reference to <em>me,</em> or Reshiram. My money's on Reshiram, though. He seems to prefer Pokémon to people, anyway.</p><p class="p1">Actually, come to think of it, I've never seen him talk to anyone at length besides me.</p><p class="p1">...couldn't I have made a normal friend?</p><p class="p1">So that's that. A Pokémon-speaking guy named N wants to free Pokémon from trainers with the help of a legendary dragon, and he also talks really fast.</p><p class="p1">That is everything I know about N. And even knowing all that, I don't know how to feel about him.</p><p class="p1">I dunno, it's always just been easier for me to understand things when I write them down. I still don't understand N, though. I don't understand and it's almost six in the morning, this is absolutely an incoherent mess of thoughts, and... augh. I'm just as confused as when I started.</p><p class="p1">At least it's out of my head for now. I'll try to be more eloquent next time, promise.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>where did this come from? where will it go? <strike>where did it come from cotton eye joe</strike></p><p>hooray, finally a new isshu fic :0 i'm sorry this is probably gonna take awhile to get through ;u; i'm in the process of moving and desperately need to clean my room out over the coming weeks. i have a few chapters scribbled down so far though, so uh. we'll see where this goes! depending on where i decide to cut this fic off, this may have a not so  nice ending, because BW has a not so nice ending, because gamefreak said we're not allowed to have nice things!!! i am still very sad about BWs ending!!!!! it's a well written ending but holy shit N come home!!!!!!!!</p><p>so yes. also apologies for the short-ish chapters. i know i usually go towards 3k chapters for longfics, but i realized it's kinda hard to hit that word limit in a first person journal format ;u; this is the first time i've written <em>anything</em> in first person too, so if this is a little shaky, that'd be why</p><p>also, this is technically part of the 9000m universe :0 it's not nameless™ so i'm not sorting it under that series but. the events of <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/15086573/chapters/34980683">ReuNite</a> happen after this fic !!</p><p>...why do i only ever post fic at ungodly hours of the morning alright bye</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Pinwheel Encounter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <em>"You haven't interrupted," he said.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>  <em>"Yeah," I answered. "I want to understand where you're coming from."</em></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">...so I met up with him in Pinwheel Forest.</p><p class="p1">I dunno why I'm trying to bother with like, introductions on these entries. I'm giving them titles, that oughta be enough of an intro, right? I'm literally the only one who's gonna be reading this anyway.</p><p class="p1">But uh, yeah, let's review, shall we? Me and myself.</p><p class="p1">I just got through Lenora's gym, which was kinda rough without a fighting type Pokémon. I know, I know, I could've caught something just outside Pinwheel, but generally, I don't want to catch a Pokémon I don't intend to keep, you know? That just doesn't feel right. That's also kinda why I literally only have one Pokémon on my team right now. It's just been Dewott and I, just me and my faithful little otter. I'm definitely gonna catch something else once I get toward Castelia, because I don't think Dewott is gonna have a great time getting through a bug gym. I could get a Pidove to handle Burgh's bugs I think, but I still feel weird catching something if I don't know if I'd keep it on my team...</p><p class="p1">That'll bring us to an experiment I've been considering, but first: back to N.</p><p class="p1">He was just out by a river, and he had what should've been a basketful of berries, if he had a basket. He must've carried them over in his shirt like a bag, or something, because <em>wow</em> it was a ton of berries. I feel like he must not eat anything else. He was making a meal for himself and letting the Pokémon around Pinwheel come up and take what they wanted while he was cooking.</p><p class="p1">It was kinda sweet, really. I feel like he must've called them, rather than them just showing up. It'd make sense if he really can talk to Pokémon, huh? Or - Maybe they're just drawn to him, right? That wouldn't be too unusual, knowing him.</p><p class="p1">I just kinda stared. I dunno <em>why</em> I was staring. I guess I just couldn't bring myself to leave without saying anything. I've been thinking about our encounter in Nacrene City since it happened, and... I dunno. Maybe I feel like it's my job to keep tabs on him. He might be working for Team Plasma, or he may just be out of his mind, but...</p><p class="p1">This'll be the sixth time I've written <em>I dunno</em> in this entry, but the whole thing is really confusing, and he has this weird effect on me. I have to really focus when he speaks because he talks so <em>fast,</em> and I think maybe I'm getting so invested in what he says to begin with <em>because</em> I have to focus, so it's just one thing leading to another. He's also just generally suspicious, you know? It feels like it'd be irresponsible to ignore him. I don't really know if he <em>could</em> get Reshiram and go do... whatever he's trying to do, but at the same time, he's already surprised me more than enough times, and we've only interacted three times, really. (How many more times can I say <em>times,</em> eh?)</p><p class="p1">I guess... I don't wanna be responsible if he does something dangerous. I don't wanna look back on this and realize I could've - should've - done something more.</p><p class="p1">So I just like. Approached him.</p><p class="p1">You know it's funny, every time I have to face off against a gym leader or a new trainer on the trails, I get really nervous. I do well in battle, but I'm scared of confronting people I'm not familiar with. It's the whole social aspect that gets to me. And like - I feel like I'm not even that familiar with N to begin with, but he's more familiar by comparison, so maybe that's why I'm alright being around him, or... something, I dunno. Talking to Bianca or Cheren is obviously way easier, but I'd rather talk to N at this point than some random trainer, so take that for what you will. Maybe future Touya reading this will understand it better than I do know.</p><p class="p1">God, I really hope you do. This is so confusing. I know I'm being redundant, but every time he does something, he just leaves me speechless and scratching my head.</p><p class="p1">I approached him and just kinda asked what he was doing, as if it wasn't obvious that he was cooking, and he said he was making food for himself and his "friends," the friends being Pokémon, because who else would he consider to be friends? Just them, of course.</p><p class="p1">Then it got kinda weird again. As if he's ever normal, but bear with me:</p><p class="p1">"And how are you, Dewott?"</p><p class="p1">Dewott, my little guy, kinda barked back at him, and he says, "I see. That's... nice to hear."</p><p class="p1">So I ask, "What are you talking about?"</p><p class="p1">"Never mind it. You wouldn't understand if you can't hear his voice."</p><p class="p1">"He's <em>my</em> Pokémon though..."</p><p class="p1">"And you don't understand him. Have you ever asked him if he <em>wants</em> to battle? If he wants to be traveling with you? Have you ever asked him if he's happy like this?"</p><p class="p1">"Yeah. He's seemed happy about this every time I ask." (Albeit, I said that much more stumble-y than that, but still.)</p><p class="p1">N looked at me like he didn't believe me, because of course he didn't, but honest to god, I'm not lying when I say that. I always ask Dewott if he's ready to battle, if he feels up to training that day, if he needs anything before we get going, the whole nine yards. I mean, he's a <em>Pokémon,</em> but he's also my friend. He's been my constant companion for years now. When you accidentally get a service Pokémon because you stalled your journey for two years due to a legitimacy debilitating anxiety, you know, you learn to respect their boundaries. I can't let anything bad happen to him, you know? I'd never push him too hard.</p><p class="p1">But, N didn't believe me, because it's not like he knows any of that, so whatever. He kinda made some chattering noise to Dewott, who chattered back, and I guess they... talked? I just let them, since Dewott didn't seem too off-put by N. N kinda looked at me, Dewott "said" something, and then they were both quiet and boy oh boy, you have never heard an awkward silence if you weren't sitting right there.</p><p class="p1">"...I see."</p><p class="p1">I didn't bother asking what they talked about. I feel like he wouldn't have told me anyway. We just sat there quietly for a bit, then I decided to ask him about all this Pokémon liberation and perfection stuff, because... what else am I supposed to do, right? If I wanna stop saying "man, I dunno" every time I sit down to write these things, I oughta figure him out.</p><p class="p1">I mean, that, and he kinda worries me. I can't quite tell if he's actually working with Team Plasma, of if he has his own, adjacent agenda, or... or what. If I know where his morals lie, at least, that'll help me understand him and cut him off at the pass if he does anything too crazy.</p><p class="p1">So I just asked kinda like this: "You know Pokémon and trainers have had this kind of relationship for centuries, right?" Albeit probably stuttering a lot more, but you know, that's implied every time I speak.</p><p class="p1">"But people and Pokémon living together in this way doesn't make sense," he replied. "It's unreasonable. They become imperfect creatures when humans taint them."</p><p class="p1">He paused, and looked at me, so I nodded, then he just... kept looking at me. Like he expected me to agree with him, but like, hey N, I'm a trainer, I'm not about to agree with you, but I don't wanna start an argument. I just want to understand.</p><p class="p1">Then he looked away and kept talking, kept explaining himself. It was all kinda vague still, but I guess his logic is that people are capable of being morally grey, while Pokémon aren't, and people can be cruel in ways Pokémon aren't, and... I guess that's where the imperfection comes in? It was hard to follow. I think that's what the gist of it was. I almost wonder if he knew what he was saying himself, or if maybe it just all flew over my head. I think it was a mix of both, looking back.</p><p class="p1">It was a mouthful, that's for sure, but I swear, he spoke just a little bit <em>slower</em> after he looked at me the first time. Eventually he stopped ranting for a moment and kinda confirmed that theory for me.</p><p class="p1">"You haven't interrupted," he said.</p><p class="p1">"Yeah," I answered. "I want to understand where you're coming from."</p><p class="p1">"Oh." And he sounded so genuinely confused, as if I wasn't supposed to hear him out, as if he shouldn't be heard. "I... appreciate that."</p><p class="p1">He went quiet after that. That threw him way off-balance somehow and I'm not sure why. It pays to be polite every once in a while, I guess.</p><p class="p1">We just made some small-talk for the rest of the night. It was actually kinda pleasant, even though I think he's even more socially awkward than I am. At one point I ended up asking him if the berry dinner was even safe for humans, and he said yeah, it's literally just berries and spring water.</p><p class="p1">"Does it taste any good?"</p><p class="p1">"...I think it does."</p><p class="p1">I kinda had to restrain myself from laughing, he answered so innocently and it just sounded kinda silly. He did end up sharing some with Dewott and I, and it <em>was</em> pretty good. It's a weird dish he heated up over an open fire. It was kinda like... imagine porridge, but it's berries, I guess? <em>I</em> couldn't live on it, but I suppose N does. No idea how, though. Maybe that's why he's so lanky.</p><p class="p1">Y'know, between being that slender and having green hair, he looks like a tree. Imagine walking into a forest and suddenly one of the trees starts talking to your Pokémon.</p><p class="p1">All in all, it was a kinda weird, kinda cute little picnic thing. N is actually pleasant to talk to when he lets his guard down. He ended up rambling to me a bit about the biology of plant-like Pokémon and which ones produce edible fruits, how to harvest them safely, that sort of thing. <span class="s1">It's funny, for someone who talks so much about how humans make Pokémon imperfect, he sure spends a lot of time around them himself. </span></p><p class="p1">Despite all the Plasma stuff happening, and the fact that N is... well, N, my whole journey so far has been fine. It's really just N that's making this confusing. I keep thinking about everything he's said and wondering if Dewott would be better off without me. I wonder just how fast a Pokémon can get attached to a trainer, or how easy it would be to let them go to begin with. I wonder how quick a Pokémon would wanna return to the wild if given the chance.</p><p class="p1">So now we get to the experiment.</p><p class="p1">I need a flying type to help me against Burgh's gym. Dewott can handle his Dwebble, that's a rock type, but I hear he has a Leavanny, and Dewott is gonna struggle with that. I think I'm gonna catch a Pidove, train it until it evolves, then go battle Burgh. It's gonna be - like, I'm not gonna neglect it, but I'm gonna be a little less pamper-y with it than I'd really like to be, then I'll try to release it.</p><p class="p1">I just - I wanna see if there's any credence to this liberation thing. I wanna see if I can form a bond with a Pokémon just to let it go in the end, or if it'd be happier going back to the wild.</p><p class="p1">Also, like - the times I've battled N? He has Pokémon from whatever area we're in, but then I think he must release them after the fact. I've never seen him use the same Pokémon in a different battle. So... I dunno, is he on to something?</p><p class="p1">I guess I'll find out. Call me devil's advocate, but I wanna see where this takes me. Wish me luck.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ngl, i've always found it hard to fault N's logic when you take pokémon into the perspective of it all being glorified dog fights. i feel like between that knowledge, and the fact that he calls the protag (Touya in this case) a "neutral presence" multiple times throughout the game, i'd imagine the protag must have <em>some</em> kind of agreement with his ideals, right? nothing is ever black and white <strike>haha get it because the games are cal- i'll shut up now sorry</strike></p><p>and no don't worry, i didn't forget that i write Touya as a stuttery mess. he just doesn't have the energy to write his stutter into his journals obviously. i've considered maybe writing an audio entry at some point? i can see him just physically talking through his thoughts if there's anything so intense that he can't bring himself to just sit and calmly write so i'll see if i take that route :0</p><p>side note, this chapter is also known as <em>ghostscribe goes through ReuNite to check in on the extra interactions he implied between N and Touya to keep this fic faithful to rN</em> and man how dare my old writing make me feel things. how dare.</p><p>i'm not writing this as <em>too</em> unholy of an hour either this time so hopefully this is more coherent than the last chapter's notes ghfdjkgdf</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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